so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
