She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
