Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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