I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just cropdusted the office
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
