ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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