Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
