a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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