walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
