omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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