i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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