I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
