so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
