WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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