I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
