Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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