i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
