i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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