You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
