Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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