Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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