Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
