So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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