These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
