I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
