Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
