Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
