you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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