What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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