I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
