Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
