her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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