I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We smell like vodka and hangover
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