Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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