We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
