why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
