apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
