I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
