rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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