Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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