Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
