i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
