she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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