Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
