The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize