Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
