a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
