There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
