you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
