the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
