does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
