you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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