i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize