Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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