Kiss
Puke
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
