Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
