yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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