and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
