I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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