I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
