sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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