dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
