garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
