i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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