low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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