Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
