I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
