Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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