but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
