I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
