Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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