Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
