Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize