I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize