Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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