I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize