Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
