He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
