UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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