I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
