i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
