thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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