I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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