She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize