please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
