trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
