I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
