The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize